If Ignorance is Bliss ...

...then the "In Your Dreams" award of the week goes to Paris Hilton for making
the following absurd statement:

"There's nobody in the world like me. I think every decade has
an iconic blonde like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana and right now, I'm that icon."
Little-Miss-CAN-Be-Wrong told the Times of London.

Look honey, you may be thin, rich, and by some people's standards, beautiful, but here's
what separates the blondes from the iconic blondes:
A) Talent. Marilyn Monroe actually could act. Goodness knows, she would never
have stooped to staging a "reality" show where a lack of tact, good manners
and common sense would be so glaringly in evidence. The same principles
would almost certainly have applied to any propositions she received to
record a sex video. Do I need to go on?
B) Grace and Compassion. Princess Di crusaded for worthy causes, globe-trotting from
hospital to hospital, not only visiting sick children or land mine victims, but embracing them
 ... and I don't mean in the figurative sense alone. (And by the way, "figurative" doesn't
have anything to do with the female form, Paris.) And heavens knows, it takes a massive
measure of  grace to live inside a royal cocoon, mother two boys also constrained inside it,
and figure out how to navigate life when your every word and deed is microscopically examined,
then re-broadcast to the world. (Especially, when that macro-publication is not your choice.) 
C) Intelligence. Dear me, where do I start on this one? You know what, never mind. [Sigh.]

Blonde, you most definitely are Paris. I'll give ya that one. But iconic??! 
Oy vey. Not in the way you're thinkin', honey.

All Stood Up, But Still Smilin'

They say all's well that ends well, and Friday's Johnny Mathis's concert at the Shell ended VERY well. I must say I most enjoyed the Brazilian-themed numbers he performed near the end of his show. His guitarist did an exceptional job on "99 Miles from L.A." and "Twelfth of Never," too and spare instrumentation never sounded so rich.

But yes, (or should that be, no?) Johnny did not take me (us) up on the offer of an outing while he was in town. (Sigh). Once I got to the Shell and saw the size of the orchestra performing (and therefore traveling) with him, I understood why. There were approximately 30 other people on stage with him, to say nothing of the touring and technical staff I'm sure was somewhere in the wings. And gracious and genteel though he was in his interview with me, I noticed he does not do a lot of "sharing" from the stage, and actually speaks very little between numbers. Some of those numbers were medleys of his standards, and by combining them, he effectively shortened his musical sets (in what I'm assuming also conserves his energy at that age) yet still delighted the crowd by covering a good portion of his this-is-what-I'm-known-for songbook. He looked downright comfy on the stage, sporting a neon orange and green "fun" tie with his tan suit and golf-style loafers in the first act, and a white-on-white suit with what I believe were K-Swiss sneakers in the second act.

On pure pitch, tone, and vocal control alone, I daresay it was evident the man is still taking music lessons at the age of almost-70 -- and good for him! (Yes, he mentioned that in the interview.) He hit a couple of high notes head on, though they may have been a bit less intense than in his younger years. But if the biggest revelation from the stage was how "mad" he is about golf, (it was just so charming the way he said it!) then clearly, this is a man very careful to define, delineate and and put distance between what's professional and what's personal.
Or, he was really busy. But I think it was the former.

Sure, a little part of me was sort of hoping for the tinsiest mention of his unique invitation from the stage, but given his reserved presence, I figured out pretty quickly that wasn't going to happen either. In any case, he sang beautifully, and it sure was fun listening after having had the chance to interview him ahead of time. Naturally, I was probably one of the youngest in attendance, but so what? It was a nice throwback to the ole WISH-95 days (anybody remember that radio station?)

Oh well, if I couldn't have a date, at least I'll always have his voicemail message. ;)

So far, ... solo

Ack! It's coming up on three days until Johnny Mathis comes to town and I still haven't heard back from either the man himself or any of his managers whether he's going to take me (us) up on the offer of an outing.

As of right now, the only thing I do know is that I haven't won tickets to MPN's illustrious box seating for his concert Friday. (The company has been holding near-daily raffles for seats to each of the shows down at the Shell this season.) I must say, if it comes down to the date vs. the concert, I'd rather the date ... 'cause any ole soul can snap up a seat at a concert. Seriously, wouldn't "once dated a celebrity (wink, wink)" make for a fun ice-breaker introduction at just about any public function? :)

Anyhow, the fine folks at Shark's Custard and Candy are prepped, as are the Wine Center crew, so it's just a game of wait and see. Though I could do with a bit less waiting and a bit more seeing.

"I shall be telling this with a sigh,
Somewhere, ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood and I --
I took the one less traveled by ..." - Robert Frost
(Question is, will this "road" be the one that made all the difference?)

Worried whether my Chances Are ...

I've done the unthinkable. Well, more like the unthinkable for me.

I broke one of my cardinal rules and asked a guy out on a date.

Now, granted, I knew it was a long shot, but this man is dashing, debonair, and frankly, delightful to talk to. Plus, he can sing. And I mean, like, really sing. (Sigh.)

I was on pins and needles waiting for him to call. And then, when he called before I expected and left a message apologizing that he'd missed me, I had to forward the voicemail to several friends for analysis. (You know how that goes.)

When we finally did connect live and in person, there were so many other things to talk about, legitimate reasons for the call, you know, that it was hard to get to the point.
I've gotta say, after this, I have a newfound respect for men. It's really hard to slip a personal invitation into casual conversation without appearing desparate or possibly mental, on top of which, once you do manage to stammer it out, it's hard to convince the person on the end of the line you're actually serious.

Especially when that person is a celebrity the likes of Johnny Mathis.

Yes, that Johnny Mathis. Mr. "Chances Are ... your chances are awfully good" or, as it appears in my case, Mr. "Chances Are ... your chances remain to be seen."
See, Johnny Mathis is going to be singing at the Shell next Friday as part of his 50th Anniversary Tour. And the task of reporting on that appearance fell to me. As you might guess, odds of landing an interview with a well-known musical artist are pretty long to begin with, but somehow I beat those odds. And while most of what you have and/or will read in this posting will seem to completely contradict the last comment I made about the Shell's lineup this year, I reserve the right to make an exception to my own initial rule(s) of thought. (I'm a female; I'm allowed.) Besides, I've liked his music ever since my late paternal grandfather passed down his vinyl LP of Johnny's "Merry Christmas" album back in the day. (The Dewey family Christmas would not have been the same without that record.)

Anyway, in the process of preparation for the interview, I and a few other Messenger staffers observed Johnny Mathis used to have quite a tradition of sightseeing at whatever area he visited to get a bit of a flavor of the community there. So another co-worker virtually dared me to ask him if he'd like to come get ice cream (at Shark's Custard and Candy, naturally) when he's in town. Given that I generally respond promptly to similar dares --"Hey Rachel, will you go ask [our executive editor] if he'll spring for pizza?" -- it should come as no surprise I took her up on it. I mean, what the heck? It's not like this chance was coming around again, plus I am proud of my little tradition of showing Shark's off to visiting friends.

For a musical celebrity however, you've gotta have a Plan B for a date, which in this case is the new Wine and Culinary Center in town. (Personally, I think chances are a little better for that option, given Mr. Mathis enjoys gourmet cooking in his spare time.) Frankly, when asking a celebrity out, you've also gotta have a Plan B for the invitiation itself (Remember that whole "convince them you're serious without appearing mental" struggle?). In this case, that means my fax detailing the "taste-seeing" invitation is now sitting somewhere in a stack of communiques Mr. Mathis is scheduled to review. Right now, I'm just happy it's gotten through in one piece (or so one of his assistant/managers tells me.)

The other thing that makes this whole scenario unique is that the date itself, should it ever take place, won't be your conventional "date" either. No, in the realm of celebrity dating, ReD Zone style, my date with Johnny Mathis will actually be a group date, as five of my fellow reporters (we're all female) hope to tag along. Plus, despite the appearance of safety in numbers, I'm sure his manager, publicist, and probably a photographer (maybe one of ours?) would insist on coming too. So it's not just me who's left to take a wait-and-see approach. It's nearly every staffer with a cubicle in what we've affectionately dubbed "Reporters' Row."

Stay tuned and I'll let you know exactly what my (ok, our) Chances Are ...!!!

On puddles and pencils

Somewhere on this beautiful, rainy night, a poor, sodden soul is trudging along Route 364, trying to hitchike his or her way out of the weather that completely crashed the party over at the Shell's first concert of its new-and-yet-somehow-not-so-improved season.

I will not even pretend to care about what kind of music is played by a group that goes by a name like "Rat Dog" or "String Cheese Incident" or how overpriced their tickets were at the new-and-improved venue that I will eternally insist on calling what it has been, is and forevermore shall be: the Shell. But I was happy to see a nearly full parking lot, and even two scalpers hawking tickets at the gas station on the corner. It triggered memories of the good ole days when Dave Matthews and Phish and Lilith Fair and the Barenaked Ladies took over the town, plaguing traffic up and down the major highways, and playing loud enough to hear the music all the way over on 5 and 20. Too bad opening night had to be ransacked by the rain.

I dare say Mother Nature was voting -- or would it be more accurate to say venting? -- her opinion on the musical lineup this summer. You'd think after a $10 million renovation, the place might pick up some business, but apparently we've all got another think coming on that one. I don't mean to imply that this season holds a lame lineup, but it's just so frustratingly similar to the lineups of the last 3-4 years, during which attendance has plummeted. I mean, let's face it: there are no American Idols, no Yo-Yo Mas, no one in the league of Eminem or 50 Cent, no Kenny Chesneys, and no Michael Buble'. I adore the RPO, and the 1812 Overture/Cannon/Fireworks night is an annual staple that makes the Shell the Shell. But it can't make up for the "gotta be there" headliners that don't seem to be there anymore. So maybe the rain was appropriate.

Speaking of, I got caught in the torrential downpour, and despite the parking space one row over and four slots up, despite the umbrella, by the time I made it inside Wal-Mart, I might as well have gone straight to the domestics section to buy a towel. I was the quintessential wet noodle.

But then, oh my word, rain and soggy shoes were forgotten, because there it was, between the card section and the cans of Koolaid. Stacks and stacks of No. 2 pencils, and Bics, and Crayolas and whatever is passing for a Trapper Keeper these days, not to mention the all-important wide-ruled spiral notebook.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but did we not just wrap up high school graduation weekend less than 15 days ago? So what is with this rush to get the boatloads of school supplies out? (Added an older, wiser woman I know: And why does the Dollar Store have the Christmas decor out already?) Wait. Don't tell me. The "Christmas in July" sale, right? I guess that's supposed to explain all the marketing madness.

Or maybe the full moon does.

Sunset Serenade

There is nothing, and I mean nothing like a sunset at the lake on a balmy summer evening. The proof is in the picture (yes, I shot it myself). I couldn't post it until I found the perfect line of verse to parallel the mood at the time I shot it, and finally, inside a new-to-me volume of Sara Teasdale's poetry --she's my favorite!--there it was: "Spring Night." While the title may not seem apropos given we're in summer here, trust me, she's completely channeled the vibe.

"The park is filled with night and fog,

The veils are drawn about the world,
The drowsy lights along the paths
Are dim and pearled.

Gold and gleaming the empty streets,
Gold and gleaming the misty lake,
The mirrored lights like sunken swords,
Glimmer and shake.

Oh, is it not enough to be
Here with this beauty over me?
My throat should ache with praise, and I
Should kneel in joy beneath the sky.
O, Beauty are you not enough?
Why am I crying after love,
With youth, a singing voice and eyes
To take earth's wonder with surprise?
Why have I put off my pride,
Why am I unsatisfied,---
I for whom the pensive night
Binds her cloudy hair with light,---
I, for whom all beauty burns
Like incense in a million urns?
O, beauty are you not enough?
Why am I crying after love?"
-- "Spring Night" by Sara Teasdale

High Thee to Lagoon Park

Whoo-hoo! It's a red-letter day. Actually that started yesterday when I found out the orange fence was down and Lagoon Park is officially open. The bridges, the walking paths along the water, the greenery and trees, it's all there waiting to be enjoyed.
Which is exactly what my neph-dog (he's my sister's first "baby," hence, my "neph-dog") did tonight, traipsing around down there. And Bingley is an excellent authority as to what makes for an aesthetically pleasing walk. There were also several fisherman staked out along the shore, a few folks in boats, some athletes out for a jog, and a couple or two taking an evening stroll. Apparently, I'm not the only one who has found a new summertime haunt, and it seems Canandaigua's best-kept secret is not a secret anymore.
With a bit more landscaping, a few park benches and trash cans, Lagoon Park will be perfect.
But it practically is already.

Finding fun for the Fourth

It may not be the "A&E scene" per se, but here are some tips for how to enjoy the scene in an affordable fashion down Canandaigua way this Independence Day.
Naturally, fireworks are a must-see, so plan to stake out a spot in the vicinity of Kershaw Park by 9:15 p.m. so you can take it all in at 9:30 p.m. when the fun really begins. If you're in Kershaw, try laying flat on your back on the grass (or your picnic blanket) for an eye-popping view. Trust me, you'll love it! Other recommended views would be from: a) any car well-parked along the Routes 5 and 20 "bypass." Throw down your lawnchair and/or climb into the pickup bed; b) any car well-parked at a high point on a country road somewhere near the north end of Canandaigua Lake, though for this option the sound of fireworks is likely not included. Stick your head out the sunroof, or climb atop the roof of the car itself. Note: Roof-climb at your own risk; c) if you are so privileged, a motorboat ride on the lake itself. If you have this option, take it!
When the city spends @ $20K on this light show, you'd be crazy not to take advantage! The fireworks last a good 20 mins. or so, and afterward, you can enjoy another annual ritual: fighting the traffic jams to make your way home.
But prior to that, you may be looking for other optional activities, and here's what I'd recommend:

• Swim and/or sun ... at local parks such as Deep Run (on Route 364, near Crystal Beach), Butler Road Park (on W. Lake Road, at the corner of Butler, go figure), and if you're an Ontario County resident, for a reasonable per-car rate, Onanda Park, much further down W. Lake Road (head east towards the lake from Cheshire, along Duell or Wells Curtice Roads, then continue south on W. Lake Road). I realize nearly everybody and their uncle does the hots-and-hamburgs routine, but people, this is what KFC was invented for!
• The music, the mood, the (perhaps maddening?) crowds at Kershaw Park: It won't cost you a penny, but bands play for several hours at a stretch at the gazebo, and children can play right nearby on the kiddie playground. This year, local rockers Hadlock hit the gazebo grandstand at noon, and if you love their sound ('80s meets modern), stay tuned as their feature-length film, not to mention accompanying album, will soon debut. Meanwhile, search the MPN archives in 2005 for "Hadlock, movie" or "Rollin' the film to rock your world" to read all about them. Starting at 8 p.m., another local group, Synergy, will cover tunes like "R-E-S-P-E-C-T," "Brown-Eyed Girl," and beyond. Oh, and a word to the wise: Parents -- there will be vendors galore strolling the sidewalks pitching neon necklaces, balloons and such. Your wallet is hereby forewarned.
• The movies! If you can't take the humidity, get out of the near kitchen-like, sweltering atmosphere typical to summer in upstate New York. Again, considering that you want to be as close as possible to the lake and those fireworks, and not have to burn so much precious gas gallivanting about, your best air-conditioned bet is the Canandaigua Movietime Theatres in the Wal-Mart Plaza. For the guys, there's "Superman Returns." For the girls, "The Devil Wears Prada." For the kids, "Cars" and/or "Over the Hedge." There are also several other films to choose from so odds are good there will be, quite literally, something for everyone. To figure out which one you want to see, check out reviews on Erich Van Dussen's blog: "Mostly Movies" or go to rogerebert.suntimes.com
• Shopping: Skip the mall and check out South Main Street's boutiques, restaurants and the Wi-Fi-powered Canandaigua Commons. It's all within walking distance of the lake, which will be perfect for burning off those extra calories you'll get from ...
• ...Ice cream: With apologies to the unfortunate, lactose-intolerant among us, this is an absolute must on Independence Day. If you don't mind a short drive west of Canandaigua, the best (homemade) hard ice cream can be found locally at Shark's Custard and Candy on Routes 5 and 20 in Bloomfield. (Note: they offer free samples and you can "split your scoops" between the various flavors.) However, if you don't want to leave the lake area, the Scoops stand across from the west side of Kershaw Park will do, though lines are sure to be backed up the sidewalk or across the street (which will be closed for the festivities.)
• If your hometown doesn't already have a parade scheduled, Canandaigua's starts at 10 a.m. Tuesday, and you'll want to stake out any spot on the west sidewalk of South Main Street, between Ontario Street on down towards Routes 5 and 20.

In case of rain, the Canandaigua fireworks will likely be postponed to July 5, same time, same place. Enjoy the show!

Bridge over Troubled Waters?

Dear City Councilmen, etc.
Despite the fact I never actually mailed my last letter, somehow you seem to have received the message because almost immediately, obnoxious orange-mesh fencing appeared strung across the portal of the bridge. Drat!
I mean, I realize there were probably liability reasons, given the 10,000 guests of the city who flood Kershaw each and every Fourth of July for the fireworks and whatnot, but I was going to keep that bridge a secret. I swear. I suppose y’all feared the kit and caboodle of them would swarm the new bridge and sink it or something, but it's built so well that shouldn't be a problem. (Sigh.)
So my question now is, when will the bridges be truly open to the public? Please tell me this is just a temporary holiday setback, because that bridge is just too beautiful to be left sitting there, empty, with no one allowed to enjoy it.
Down with the orange fence!
~ Rachel